Today, Jim Belushi, 'actor' 'comedian' and budding relationship advice expert, penned a column for the for the Chicago Sun-Times about the roles of men and women, and "what women secretly want". To say it was the a pile of misogynist dog shit an insult to dog shit.
Now, I never had the good fortune of having my superstar brother overdose and die thus propelling me to a career, but I have been in relationships with women for most of my adult life. Frankly I think that qualifies me to respond to Belushi's advice.
His opening salvo:
Some men today have turned into women; they are constantly discussing their problems. And women reinforce it by telling men, over and over, that that’s what they want: someone who is cooperative, fair, considerate, wants to share and have discussions about things, saying, “Let’s work this out.”
So, discussing your problems makes you a "woman", as does being cooperative, fair and considerate. Wanting to work things out is womanly too apparently. Way to gender stereotype dude, please proceed:
But here’s the truth. Say you’re in a bar. Some guy starts talking to your girl, and she says, “I’m with somebody.” The guy calls her the “b” word. So you go, “Hey man, that’s not appropriate, that’s really hurtful, you shouldn’t talk to people like that, that’s not how community works,” I guarantee on the drive home your wife will say, “Why didn’t you stand up for me?” And your answer is, “I thought you liked it when people discussed their feelings. Discuss.”
I've actually had such exchanges in bars three times over some dude hitting on my girlfriend or spouse. I pretty much handled by saying "that's not appropriate, knock it off". On the ride home my girlfriend or spouse said something to the effect of "what a fucking jerk, I'm glad you spoke up". Then we went home and had lots of sex, but I digress.
Belushi goes on to describe an exchange he had at the House of Blues when a guy was getting handsie with his then girlfriend:
He put his hand on her shoulder again, and I come over to him. I said, laughing, “Hey, you touch her one more time and I’m going to beat you.” He laughed, thought I was joking. I said, “No, not a joke my friend. Keep your damn hands off my girl.”
He continues, describing the exchange with his girlfriend on the way home:
That’s not how you handle differences. He was just being friendly. We were just talking. I can handle myself.” And I said, “If anyone ever touches you like that, I will beat them.” She said, “You are an animal.” I said, “Yes, I am. You entered the animal kingdom when you entered my life.”
Yes, I am a manly animal! Here me roar. What a fucking joke. Threatening to beat somebody up doesn't make you tough. It makes you an entitled prick. Treating your girlfriend like property isn't a long term strategy for success in a relationship.
He then offers this as a penultimate paragraph of penis-ness.
I believe men in relationships should constantly make sure that their wives feel pretty and loved. Our wives don’t want best friends. They say they do, but no, they want men. They want a husband. They want a father for their children. They want a lover. Given the opportunity, every woman will try to make their man into their best friend, like their cousin, their buddy. And that kind of thinking slowly takes the edge out of the relationship.
In what world can being your spouse's best friend be mutually exclusive from being a good husband and father?
My wife and I are about to celebrate 10 years as a couple on May 12. Dated 3 years, married for going on 7. We've been through many trials and tribulations. We've both grown individually and as a couple. We are best friends, and not surprisingly that enhances our relationship. I try to make my wife feel pretty and loved (on that I agree with Belushi), but it's not from being a pretend tough guy.
What Jimbo fails to see in his defense of the douche-ly arts, this is 2013, women are tough and accomplished and can hold their own with men, and always have been. Look at the women I live with. Look at the women I'm friends with both on Twitter and in real life. All of them have a grit and spine that I admire the hell out of.
This is not to say that I won't kick a motherfucker's ass if he crosses my wife or girls, but I don't walk around like the lord of the manor to remind poor little wifey that she has a protector.
Belushi's brand of faux tough guy bullshit is slowly becoming a thing of the past, much like his career. So tonight curl up with your spouse, touch him or her by being kind, communicative and respectful. Be a man who's not afraid to be these things and you won't lose the edge to your relationship.
You can thank me later.